neezal

Did anyone ever tell you?

2004-09-23T13:26:00.000+08:00

Did Anyone Ever Tell You,

Just How Special You Are,The Light That You Emit

Might Even Light A Star

Did Anyone Ever Tell You,

How Important You Make Others Feel, Somebody Out Here Is Smiling,

About Love That Is So Real

Did Anyone Ever Tell You,

Many Times, When They Were Sad,

Your E-mail Made Them Smile A Bit

In Fact It made Them Glad

For the Time You Spend Sending Things,

And Sharing Whatever You Find,

There Are No Words To Thank You

But Somebody, Thinks You're Fine

Life Is For Living

2004-09-22T10:13:00.000+08:00

Life is a gift we're given each and every day. Dream about tomorrow, but live for today.

To live a little, you've got to love a whole lot.

Love turns the ordinary into the extraordinary.
Life's a journey always worth taking.

Take time to smell the roses... and tulips... and daffodils... and lilacs... and sunflowers...
Count blessings like children count stars.

The secret of a happy life isn't buried in a treasure chest... it lies within your heart. It's the little moments that make life big.
Don't wait.

Make memories today.

Celebrate your life!

Remembering you

2004-09-18T14:57:00.000+08:00

By Catherine Pulsifer

If something were to happen to you tomorrow,

what would people remember about you?
Would they remember the hours you worked?

Would they remember the material things you own?

Would they remember how much money you had in the bank?

Would they remember the number of vacations you took?

Would they remember the love you showed?

Would they remember your caring and your sharing?

Would they remember the help you gave them?

Would they remember your smile, your laugh?
What will they remember,

your actions today will determine what they will remember.

Three trees

2004-09-13T15:24:00.000+08:00

Once there were three trees on a hill in the woods. They were discussing their hopes and dreams when the first tree said, "Someday I hope to be a treasure chest. I could be filled with gold, silver and precious gems. could be decorated with intricate carving and everyone would see the beauty." Then the second tree said, "Someday I will be a mighty ship. I will take kings and queens across the waters and sail to the corners of the world.

Everyone will feel safe in me because of the strength of my hull." Finally the third tree said, "I want to grow to be the tallest and straightest tree in the forest. People will see me on top of the hill and look up to my branches, and think of the heavens and God and how close to them I am reaching. I will be the greatest tree of all time and people will always remember me." After a few years of praying that their dreams would come true, a group of woodsmen came upon the trees.

When one came to the first tree he said, "This looks like a strong tree, I think I should be able to sell the wood to a carpenter" ... and he began cutting it down. The tree was happy, because he knew that the carpenter would make him into a treasure chest. At the second tree a woodsman said, "This looks like a strong tree, I should be able to sell it to the shipyard." The second tree was happy because he knew he was on his way to becoming a mighty ship.

When the woodsmen came upon the third tree, the tree was frightened because he knew that if they cut him down his dreams would not come true. One of the woodsmen said, "I don't need anything special from my tree so I'll take this one", and he cut it down." When the first tree arrived at the carpenters, he was made into a feed box for animals. He was then placed in a barn and filled with hay. This was not at all what he had prayed for. The second tree was cut and made into a small fishing boat. His dreams of being a mighty ship and carrying kings had come to an end. The third tree was cut into large pieces and left alone in the dark. The years went by, and the trees forgot about their dreams.

Then one day, a man and woman came to the barn. She gave birth and they placed the baby in the hay in the feed box that was made from the first tree. The man wished that he could have made a crib for the baby, but this manger would have to do. The tree could feel the importance of this event and knew that it had held the greatest treasure of all time.

Years later, a group of men got in the fishing boat made from the second tree. One of them was tired and went to sleep. While they were out on the water, a great storm arose and the tree didn't think it was strong enough to keep the men safe. The men woke the sleeping man, and he stood and said "Peace" and the storm stopped. At this time, the tree knew that it had carried the King of Kings in its boat. Finally, someone came and got the third tree.

It was carried through the streets as the people mocked the man who was carrying it. When they came to a stop, the man was nailed to the tree and raised in the air to die at the top of a hill. When Sunday came, the tree came to realize that it was strong enough to stand at the top of the hill and be as close to God as was possible, because Allah had been crucified on it. The moral of this story is that when things don't seem to be going your way, always know that God has a plan for you. If you place your trust in Him, He will give you great gifts. Each of the trees got what they wanted, just not in the way they had imagined. We don't always know what God's plans are for us. We just know that His ways are not our ways, but His ways are always best.

The winner

2004-09-11T08:30:00.000+08:00

I was watching some little kids play soccer. These kids were only five or six years old, but they were playing a real game - - a serious game _ two teams, complete with coaches, uniforms, and parents. I didn't know any of them, so I was able to enjoy the game without the distraction of being anxious about winning or losing - I wished the parents and coaches could have done the same.

The teams were pretty evenly matched. I will just call them Team One and Team Two. Nobody scored in the first period. The kids were hilarious. They were clumsy and terribly inefficient. They fell over their own feet, they stumbled over the ball, they kicked at the ball and missed it but they didn't seem to care. They were having fun. In the second quarter, the Team One coach pulled out what must have been his first team and put in the scrubs, except for his best player who now guarded the goal.

The game took a dramatic turn. I guess winning is important even when you're five years old -- because the Team Two coach left his best players in, and the Team One scrubs were no match for them. Team Two swarmed around the little guy who was now the Team One goalie. He was an outstanding athlete, but he was no match for three or four who were also very good. Team Two began to score. The lone goalie gave it everything he had, recklessly throwing his body in front of incoming balls, trying valiantly to stop them. Team Two scored two goals in quick succession. It infuriated the young boy. He became a raging maniac -- shouting, running, diving.

With all the stamina he could muster, he covered the boy who now had the ball, but that boy kicked it to another boy twenty feet away, and by the time he repositioned himself, it was too late -- they scored a third goal. I soon learned who the goalie's parents were. They were nice, decent-looking people. I could tell that his dad had just come from the office -- he still had his suit and tie on. They yelled encouragement to their son. I became totally absorbed, watching the boy on the field and his parents on the sidelines. After the third goal, the little kid changed.

He could see it was no use; he couldn't stop them. He didn't quit, but he became quietly desperate futility was written all over him. His father changed too. He had been urging his son to try harder - yelling advice and encouragement. But then he changed. He became anxious. He tried to say that it was okay - to hang in there. He grieved for the pain his son was feeling. After the fourth goal, I knew what was going to happen. I've seen it before.

The little boy needed help so badly, and there was no help to be had. He retrieved the ball from the net and handed to the referee - and then he cried. He just stood there while huge tears rolled down both cheeks. He went to his knees and put his fists to his eyes - and he cried the tears of the helpless and brokenhearted. When the boy went to his knees, I saw the father start onto the field. His wife clutched his arm and said, "Jim, don't. You'll embarrass him." But he tore loose from her and ran onto the field. He wasn't supposed to - the game was still in progress. Suit, tie, dress shoes, and all - he charged onto the field, and he picked up his son so everybody would know that this was his boy, and he hugged him and held him and cried with him. I've never been so proud of a man in my life.

He carried him off the field, and when he got close to the sidelines I heard him say, "Scotty, I'm so proud of you. You were great out there. I want everybody to know that you are my son." "Daddy," the boy sobbed, "I couldn't stop them. I tried, Daddy, I tried and tried, and they scored on me." "Scotty, it doesn't matter how many times they scored on you.

You're my son, and I'm proud of you. I want you to go back out there and finish the game. I know you want to quit, but you can't. And, son, you're going to get scored on again, but it doesn't matter. Go on, now." It made a difference - I could tell it did. When you're all alone, and you're getting scored on - and you can't stop them - it means a lot to know that it doesn't matter to those who love you. The little guy ran back on to the field - and they scored two more times - but it was okay. I get scored on every day. I try so hard. I recklessly throw my body in every direction.

I fume and rage. I struggle with temptation and sin with every ounce of my being - and Satan laughs. And he scores again, and the tears come, and I go to my knees - sinful, convicted, helpless. And my Father - my Father rushes right out on the field - right in front of the whole crowd - the whole jeering, laughing world - and he picks me up, and he hugs me and he says, "I'm so proud of you. You were great out there. I want everybody to know that you are my son, and because I control the outcome of this game, I declare you -- The Winner."

Bubble dream

2004-09-04T14:27:00.000+08:00

When your kisses fall on my hand ,

my tear drops have fallen like pouring rain.
When you smile telling me that we're gonna meet again,

to me it doesn't make any sense.
If you don't catch me when you can,

why bother putting me in your future plan?
No matter how glamours our future may seem,

it's still like a bubble dream.
Now is what stands in front of us,

but you pay no attention to it.
Never mind. I'd better face it.
Together we are only too different to be.

Bait-bait kata ini aku tiupkan pada sang angin agar ia mampu membawanya ke ruang pendengaran february.

Biar dia tahu betapa sukar melekangkan ingatan ini pada memori lalu,

Biar dia tahu, rasa kasih di hati ini sudah berkeping menjadi buku.

Sebuku roti

2004-09-03T12:31:00.000+08:00

"Bread" membawa maksud roti dalam bahasa Inggeris. Berbelit juga lidah bila mana Sir Suhaimi suruh menyebut semasa darjah empat. Salah sebut berdiri atas kerusi. Salah lagi atas meja. Merahlah kulit dicubitnya jika salah lagi. Garang!

Balik sekolah mandi sungai, terjun parit. Petang hari lastik burung, main guli. Aci kejar dan polis sentri turut mengisi hari. Budak kampung. Anak kampung! Mana mungkin roti atau “bread” ini jadi makanan.

Aku suka nasi. Hari-hari emak masak nasi. Macam-macam nasi. Arwah abah suka nasi dengan gulai lemak cili padi ikan “lome”. Riduan mungkin tahu ikan ini. Paling digemari di mukim kuala kangsar. Sedap namun tulangnya beribu.

Tapi ikan ini perlu goreng dulu elak reput digaul gulai. Abah suka garing. Abang juga sama. Anak emas abah memang macam itu. Mak, kakak-kakak lain dan aku tak kisah. Telan saja. Tapi Abah, Yong, Nyah dan Abang tak makan ikan keli. Emak kata, “makan saja, keli-keli ini kita yang punya”. Yang dan aku menyeringai hingga telinga. Seronoknya ikan keli goreng, bakar, masak lemak cili padi dan sambal tumis.

Tak mungkin kami “pandang roti”. Pernah juga tengok iklan roti “gardenia”. Berjenama. Roti masuk tv roti orang kaya. Mahal!. Tak pernah rasa. Pernah juga terliur tengok iklan susu F&N. Susu dituang pada sekeping roti. Macam sedap. Tapi lupa kembali bila atas kain “saprah” ada nasi. Nasi makanan kami.

Sedari dua tiga hari ini, adi selalu mengepit roti. Dibawanya ke atas ke bawah ke kanan ke kiri. Jenamanya “daily” bukan “gardenia” seperti dalam tv. “90 kupang beli di koperasi”, panjang muncung adi sambil seronok menyandar di meja studi. Cantik muncung serupa karikatur tiga gadis pingitan! Bukan adi sahaja dengan roti. Kami memang berdamping dengan roti. Bezanya aku tak mengepit roti ke kanan kiri.

Tafsiran mengenai sedapnya nasi aku simpan jauh-jauh dalam laci terbawah. Berkunci. “Sukanya roti!”. Bakar, letak sikit “peanut butter” dan susu pekat. Sedap! Benar sedap. Tapi tak sehingga menjilat ibu jari kaki.

Pernah bersungguh adi bawa “sandwich” dan sesuku tin baki kuah sardin. Adi terlambat kali ini. Kerap tidak pernah dia lewat. Empat keping roti bakar “plain” telah pun mencecah perut. Kenyang! Adi menelan kesemua “sandwich” berbaki ini. Terlukis kesungguhan dia mahu aku menjamah hidangan itu. “Orang kurus memang macam ni”, pantas aku berdalih. Tak sanggup lagi menjamah roti.

Terkulat-kulat adi menelan. Macam tercekik. Sambil bercerita dia mengunyah. Hati aku berdesir sayu. “Getirnya!”. Adi mengajar aku untuk terus tabah. Baki dompet yang semakin menyusut membuatkan pena digapai untuk menulis “Never Quit”, garapan idea Lewis Timberlake.

The sky is falling

2004-09-02T20:36:00.000+08:00

Helena looked up at the sky and wondered how it had become so blue. It matched her mood perfectly. To Helena, being in a blue mood meant sadness. Helena had been having days of sadness and trial for many months and today, when she looked up at the sky, she suddenly felt the urge to find an answer. She looked up at the sky and demanded to know, "Why me? Why does it all happen to me?" No answer. Helena decided that maybe what she needed more than a reason was assistance. She had struggled alone for so long. She had never asked anyone to help her.

People were always offering to help, but always doing things that she thought only made matters worse. She was stubbornly certain that only her way of doing things could make things right. Also, she had been sure she could manage all alone. Now she was rethinking. On an impulse, Helena cried out to the heavens, "Help me. Please. I need help." As she shouted the last word she saw a crack appear in the blue above her. The crack began to twist and turn and spread until it formed an odd shape. Then the shape shook and wriggled until it freed itself from the rest of the heavens.

Then the piece of sky fell. It did not plummet. It simply drifted down end over end until it landed in Helena's lap and let out a small sigh. Helena let out a yelp of shock and looked up to see a black hole where the little blue piece had once been. Helena gazed at the little blue piece. It was soft, thin and slippery as a piece of the finest silk. "Oh no!" Helena said aloud. She was sure that her life had just gone from bad to worse. Then she looked up and shouted, "What is happening? Help me." In her hands the little silky swatch sighed again. Then it seemed to melt through her fingers and attach to her skirt like a patch. In a panic, Helena tried to tug the little patch free, but failed.

This was the last straw for Helena. She had suffered failure and loss and defeat in the past months. Every single thing she had touched had come to ruin and she was in despair. Now, when she asked for help from above, the result was to have the very sky fall down on her. Helena looked up and shouted, "I know you are there! You, who made me and the sky and all things. I asked you for help and you have made the sky fall on me. Why? Why are you doing this to me?" In answer, there came another crack in the heavens, and another piece of the sky detached itself and began to float downward.

This time, Helena jumped up, gathered her skirts and ran as fast as she could to keep the patch from landing on her. But try as she might, the wind carried the piece of sky and it soon found a resting place on her shoulder, where it attached itself. Helena stamped her foot in frustration. "Get off," she shouted as she tugged at the patch. Looking up at the sky, she saw the growing blackness.

There were no stars in the black part of the sky. It looked like a piece of black velvet stitched onto the blue satin of the heavens. With each request she cried out, a new patch fell, and Helena fought against it, tearing at herself. She did this over and over until she was too exhausted to fight and sat down, staring at the patches on her clothing. Then she laid her hand on one broad piece of blue. It didn't feel like fabric. It felt softer and it sent a shivery feeling through her hand as her fingers slid across it.

Her mind began to wander. She thought of all the times she had found joy beneath a blue sky. She remembered smiles and sun. Helena began to stroke the patch on her skirt. It felt lovely and soft. Before she knew what was happening, she had a little smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. But because this was not the kind of help Helena expected to get, she forced herself to stop smiling. She stopped stroking the patch of sky she wore and began to shout up again, "This is not helping my problems! I need help." To her horror, huge new cracks began to form and two large sections of the blue released themselves and began to come down to her at a faster rate. Instead of floating, these seemed to form into large wings and they came down in a swift glide.

Again, Helena got up and ran as fast as she could. Again the sky caught up with her and this time, it wrapped her like a blanket. Helena had the strangest feeling of being given an enormous blue, shiny, soft hug. She closed her eyes and felt herself being propelled backward. She toppled over and landed on her back in the grass. Helena fought, but the feeling of love and peace that now surrounded her stopped her struggles.

It took a few moments before Helena opened her eyes. She was covered from head to foot in a flowing robe of the finest, heavenly blue. Though it was thin and there was now quite a strong wind coming from the black hole in the sky, Helena felt warm and comfortable. She felt loved and happy and safe. Helena smiled and looked up at the sky. Softly she called up, "I don't understand what just happened." Then there came a voice like no other she had ever heard. It seemed to come from everywhere and nowhere. It sang through the trees, and rumbled through the earth and sighed in the long grass." You prayed for help and help has come," said the voice. "You have been given back what you lost. Piece by piece I have patched you up." The voice continued, "You cloaked yourself in anger, fear and sadness.

Now you have been given something far better to wear. You have been given love and peace. Wear them well." Helena wrinkled her brow and shook her head. "I asked for help and the sky fell," she said. "I was overwhelmed and knocked down." The voice came to her from all around and said, "Sometimes having the sky fall on you is the greatest of gifts. You have learned that you can survive and find peace even after all seemed lost. You learned that even though the very heavens may come to rest on your shoulders, the burden could be as light as air." Helena smiled. As she gazed at the sky the hole began to mend itself, getting smaller and smaller until all was blue and clear again. She stretched out her arm to wave to the sky and found that her clothes were just as they had always been.

The blue robes had vanished. "Don't leave me," she cried out in fear. The voice that was everywhere and nowhere came to her and said, "I surround you as the veil that is the sky covers the Earth. Like the blue of the sky, I may not always be seen. The clouds of worry or sadness may hide me. At times you may run from me or be in darkness as black as night. But I am, and always will be, with you." For the first time in her life, Helena felt true peace and calm. She knew these words were the truest she had ever heard. She lay back in the grass under the blue sky and fell asleep. She slept for the day and the night.

The next morning when she woke she found that her family and friends had become worried over her being gone so long and had come to find her. Helena hugged each one and smiled as she had not smiled in a very long time. "What has happened to change you so," a friend asked. Helena grinned and looked up, "I just learned how much I am loved and how good it feels to know I am not alone." From that day to this, Helena spent her days and nights knowing that no matter what happened, there was a little piece of heaven sitting on her shoulder.

Tuan haji abdul rahim

2004-09-01T13:38:00.000+08:00

Dalam gegas, sempat juga menepati kelas tambahan kalkulus pagi ini. Berharapkan agar tiada saman yang menyapa, tegar motosikal di parkir bertentang makmal mikrobiologi. Berlari dan tiba! Tidur sememang nyenyak. Nyaman dan dikejut dengan petikan piano Richard G “I have a dream”. Nyenyak tidur melepaskan kekusutan di ingatan. Kusut benar. Rungsing!

Tuan haji abdul rahim. Nama yang amat besar dalam fikiran adi. Dia takut dengan nama ini. Fobia!. Kamiran diajar dengan amat tegas pagi ini. Seperti mana had dan pembezaan. Tidak semua mata mampu bertentang. Tapi faham. Benar faham! “Saudara jangan jadi pemusnah bangsa!”. Tertusuk menikam kelalaian yang sekian lama tidak berpesan. Ikhlas aku suka insan ini. Faham. Pensyarah “berlebai” putih yang bengis. Bukan sekali dua terimbas arwah abah. Bengis, garang dan penuh peraturan. Pernah menitis darah disebat rotan halus kesan menghentak kaki mengegar tangga. Tangis emak tidak diendah. Anak biadab katanya. “Melayu mesti sopan. Anak mesti taat emak bapak!”. Hanya tangis melindung diri.

Kisah lama. Pedih dirotan biar setelah 16 tahun masih terasa. Dewasa! Terima kasih abah kerana luka tubuh ini. Dewasa sebagai seorang manusia berjaya. Itu matlamat aku. Terima kasih tuan haji abdul rahim kerana memberi imbasan ini. Jenuh dicari sebelum ini, baru kini ditemui. Biar adi tetap gentar dengannya. Inilah buktinya kami ini unik.

Lewis Timberlake

2004-09-01T11:15:00.000+08:00

Lewis Timberlake wrote:

When things go wrong as they sometimes will, when the road you are trudging seems all uphill, when the funds are low and the debts are high, and you want to smile but you have to sigh, when care is pressing you down a bit, rest! if you must, but never quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns, as everyone of us sometimes learns, and many a failure turns about, when he might have won if he had stuck it out, stick to your task, though the pace more blow.

Success is failure turned inside out, and silver tint clouds of doubt, and you never can tell how close you are, it may be near when it seems afar, it’s when things seem worse, that you mustn’t quit.

Harga suatu bau dan ketawa

2004-08-29T13:37:00.000+08:00

prolog..
roti bakar dengan peanut butter menjadi sarapan pagi ini. Sengaja disapu tebal. Lebih terasa! Teh boh pekat kurang manis melincir kerongkong. Wan tak suka rasa pahit ini. “Lebih baik air suam!”, tegas dia menolak. Tangga dituruni berbimbit teks kalkulus, terselit sisipan untuk diana. Kad ingatan mungkin. Adi tak tahu tentang kad ini semasa di Bersatu Jaya semalam. Sengaja dipinggirkan daripada pengetahuannya! Kad ini yang terbaik. Untuk meluah rasa yang merantai. Lunch date di centre point. Terserempak azri rasyidi tika menghidup enjin. Tersenyum!

harga suatu bau dan ketawa..
aroma eucalyptus menguasai bilik sehingga pagi ini. Lena tidur semalam. Kesan satu jam pinjaman Lamp Berge azri rasyidi. Ini promosi!. Bersungguh dia menerangkan. Adi seperti biasa penuh inkuiri. Acap kali azri terkumat-kamit membetul susunan ayatnya. Aroma ini mampu menawan deria penghidunya. Pantas! Sehingga kami berdua tersedut- sedut aroma ini sebanyak mungkin. Sedut, sedut dan terus sedut. Ketawa! Aksi sama seperti penguin kelemasan. Sedut, sedut dan sedut lagi. Ketawa! Sedut. Adi kata bau ini mahal. Azri kata aroma ini mahafungsi. Resdung dia pun lega. Kami percaya. Sedut dan terus sedut. Ketawa! Seronoknya.

epilog..
Bebola mata memanas kesan kurang tidur. Biarkan azri dan adi berdiskusi. Rancak sehingga adi disaguhatikan sebuah buku ilmiah. By request! Mata berkerlip lesu. Tak tahan lagi. Dari aras enam, anak tangga dituruni. Bantal dan selimut teman terbaik ketika ini!

Jika dia milik aku

2004-08-27T13:42:00.000+08:00

Tiba-tiba hati ini ada rasa. Berperisa. Lebih enak daripada yogurt strawberi!. Adi ungkapkan segala-galanya sebagai harapan. Adi tanya mengapa wujud kesanggupan mengelilingi kampus lebih daripada 3 kali. “Risau akan keselamatannya”, pantas berdalih. “Mengapa risau?”. Lidah kelu. Telinga mendengar fakta dan teori adi yang kini semakin bijak menyusun kata.

Adi cadang suruh ambil tindakan. Tapi perlu bijak. Mesej diterima. “Bz?. Tiba-tiba je teringat!”. Perkataan-perkataan inilah yang merantai jiwa ini untuk terus tidur dengan senyuman.

Tindakan?. Tidak pernah ada tindakan sebelum ini. Akhirnya, siti, farah, nurul, heny, aisya, rasyida, nurul faiz mengalir bersama arus dan pergi. Hilang. Ada yang merajuk membawa diri dan masih ada yang menarik-narik tali. Kali ini?

Gentar masih tebal di dada. Tapi mahu, macam adi teka. Tak mahu cinta dimainkan lagi. Cinta di luar zon selamat. Sehingga tegar ditulis dan terpampang di bilik “Love is not everything for me”!

Entahlah. Jika dia milikku, pasti bahagia. Adi kata dia ada segala-galanya. Penilaian adi dalam masa 5 saat. Dia juga pernah menulis doa seorang kekasih. Menulis dan memberi. Tapi dulu tak tahu apa erti. Mungkin detik ini akan merubah segala. Buat adi, jangan pernah ada jemu membimbing aku.